I am struggling. There has been so much on my mind recently and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel unmotivated, not because I don’t want to write; post or create, but because there are so many struggles with it. Every time I look on Facebook, I am inundated with all these posts on how people are getting 10k+ views on their blogs. Getting all this PR and thriving. I am seeing people doing so much better than me and I am constantly questioning myself if I am doing something wrong? Why am I not growing? Why do I feel like I have this HUGE thing in my head when it’s not true.
It came to the point where I wanted to quit my blog and just move on because I am not good enough at blogging. I am not getting the views or the engagement so I should just quit right? As I started typing this out, I thought to myself, why did I start a blog? Did I start it because I wanted it to grow and I become a millionaire? Or is it because I want to write? For the most part, it is the latter. I enjoy writing. I enjoy the process of just going through everything and really getting my thoughts out there for people to have a conversation with me. Even if it is over the internet.
I am also struggling with social media.
I was asked at the end of last year WHY I just kept posting photos of myself? Is it just a modelling page or what? That has been weighing on my mind for the last 2 months and it really has gotten me down which isn’t what should be happening. I was disheartened because it wasn’t just a modelling page. I don’t consider myself a model. Have I modelled before? Yes, but that isn’t the point of it. The photos make me happy. Going on photoshoots and getting photos done of me has always been fun as it reminds me of all the times I was on shoots and sets for makeup and hair. It reminds me that I have a passion that should not be swindled and put down because it’s not who I am anymore.
Although I have been struggling with all of this, I am also struggling with life and I guess it has been really tough re-evaluating my goals, where I am going to go or where I will be in the future.
With all that being said. I want to use my blog as I intended it to be in the first place. Somewhere to share how I am feeling and what I want to discuss. I want to post things that the reader would like. BUT this is my blog and I do want to make sure it is serving me as much as it is serving you.
Thank you for reading my rambles and I hope that you continue the conversation with me. If you want to check out some of my other blogs, you can check out the 25 life lessons I have learnt here. You can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook!